Conversation 1

WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE THESE GUYS THINKING?

The Question on Every Girl’s Mind

Recap

The following chart outlines the six major findings from our interviews and surveys of hundreds of guys across the country. The column on the left, “Our Surface Understanding,” is what we girls generally know about guys, and the column to the right, “What That Means in Practice,” is a focused....and often surprising....revelation about how that general understanding plays out in everyday life.

• Guys need respect. Guys would rather feel unloved than inadequate and disrespected.
• Guys are insecure. Although guys look confident....even cocky at times....they are often insecure in themselves. They worry that they will be found out, and therefore are drawn to girls who help them feel like they measure up.
• Guys are tough and indestructible. Guys look indestructible, but on the inside their hearts are tender, easily hurt, and strongly guarded. However, they will let down their defenses when they know their heart will be safe with a girl.
• Guys are visual. Even decent guys in great dating relationships struggle with the desire to visually linger on and fantasize about the female body....and much of that struggle depends on what a girl is wearing.
• Guys are all out for one thing. Teenage guys are conflicted by their powerful physical desires, which also have massive emotional consequences. Guys need your help to protect both of you.
• Guys go after the hot girls. Guys are attracted to girls with a good personality as well as inner and outer beauty, but they can’t force a physical attraction.

Each of the chapters to follow corresponds to one of these six major findings, helping you figure out what the findings mean for you. So brace yourself for some life-changing conversations with God, your friends, and yourself. But first, a sneak peek at the sort of thing you’re going to read:

Rethink

Which of the six major findings seems most surprising to you....even unlikely.... and why?

If you could ask a guy anything about guys....and be sure he’d answer honestly.... what would you ask?

What stereotypes in the media might contribute to girls’ confusion about guys?

How do you feel about leaving behind your thoughts on how guys should be and coming to terms with the truth of who they are and what that means for you?

Proverbs 3:13–14 says, “Joyful is the person who finds wisdom, the one who gains understanding. For wisdom is more profitable than silver, and her wages are better than gold” (NLT). How can you be sure that whatever you read in this book is translated into true wisdom for living?

React

His Perspective: “I’m glad that girls will finally be able to understand that we’re not just all about food and sex....though that’s pretty huge, I admit....but we really do have feelings and goals and can sometimes thoughtfully express ourselves about the opposite sex.” ....Jonathan, seventeen

Her Response: “It’s nice to hear guys being vulnerable about their insecurities and girl fears and wiring systems. It makes them seem more real and less like the stereotypes we’ve seen and heard.” ....Sarah, seventeen

Your Insights: Why do you think guys don’t just tell us these things directly? How might a reluctance to talk honestly with each other affect relationships? What dangers, if any, might there be in talking too openly?

Reconsider When it comes to guys, I really don’t understand…

One thing I know I need God’s wisdom for is…

Reflections, Remembrances, and Random Thoughts

Here’s what’s on my mind this week, Father…

God’s Answers to Prayer This Week

Relate

Talk with your small group or trusted friends about what you’re hoping to gain (or have gained) from reading For Young Women Only. Look back through your journal entries from this past week, and write below anything you’d like to talk about.

Here are a few ideas for launching into your discussion:

• What were your thoughts about the questions on pages [Rethink ?
• Do guys think about us as much as we think about them? What have you seen that supports your answer?
• Where do you usually get information about guys....parents, magazines, movies, other girls? What are the benefits and drawbacks of those sources?
• How can we make our discussion group a safe place for sharing our insights and struggles with one another?

Real-Life Challenge

You can jot down notes about the outcome of this challenge on page [XX] and, if you feel comfortable doing so, share your answers with your trusted friends or small group the next time you meet.

• Look back over the chart with the six major findings. Which were you already aware of, and how are you applying them in your life?
• Which of these findings about how guys really work is the most likely to require changes in your life?