WHAT IN THE
WORLD ARE THESE
The Question on Every Girl’s Mind
The following chart outlines the six major findings from our interviews and
surveys of hundreds of guys across the country. The column on the left, “Our
Surface Understanding,” is what we girls generally know about guys, and the
column to the right, “What That Means in Practice,” is a focused....and often
surprising....revelation about how that general understanding plays out in
- Guys need respect.
Guys would rather feel unloved than
inadequate and disrespected.
- Guys are insecure.
Although guys look confident....even cocky
at times....they are often insecure in themselves.
They worry that they will be found
out, and therefore are drawn to girls who
help them feel like they measure up.
- Guys are tough and
Guys look indestructible, but on the inside
their hearts are tender, easily hurt, and
strongly guarded. However, they will let
down their defenses when they know their
heart will be safe with a girl.
- Guys are visual.
Even decent guys in great dating relationships
struggle with the desire to visually
linger on and fantasize about the female
body....and much of that struggle depends
on what a girl is wearing.
- Guys are all out for one thing.
Teenage guys are conflicted by their powerful
physical desires, which also have massive
emotional consequences. Guys need your
help to protect both of you.
- Guys go after the hot girls.
Guys are attracted to girls with a good personality
as well as inner and outer beauty,
but they can’t force a physical attraction.
Each of the chapters to follow corresponds to one of these six major findings,
helping you figure out what the findings mean for you. So brace yourself
for some life-changing conversations with God, your friends, and yourself. But
first, a sneak peek at the sort of thing you’re going to read:
Which of the six major findings seems most surprising to you....even unlikely....
If you could ask a guy anything about guys....and be sure he’d answer honestly....
what would you ask?
What stereotypes in the media might contribute to girls’ confusion about guys?
How do you feel about leaving behind your thoughts on how guys should be and
coming to terms with the truth of who they are and what that means for you?
Proverbs 3:13–14 says, “Joyful is the person who finds wisdom, the one who
gains understanding. For wisdom is more profitable than silver, and her wages
are better than gold” (NLT). How can you be sure that whatever you read in
this book is translated into true wisdom for living?
His Perspective: “I’m glad that girls will finally be able to understand that
we’re not just all about food and sex....though that’s pretty huge, I admit....but
we really do have feelings and goals and can sometimes thoughtfully express
ourselves about the opposite sex.” ....Jonathan, seventeen
Her Response: “It’s nice to hear guys being vulnerable about their insecurities
and girl fears and wiring systems. It makes them seem more real and less like
the stereotypes we’ve seen and heard.” ....Sarah, seventeen
Your Insights: Why do you think guys don’t just tell us these things directly?
How might a reluctance to talk honestly with each other affect relationships?
What dangers, if any, might there be in talking too openly?
When it comes to guys, I really don’t understand…
One thing I know I need God’s wisdom for is…
and Random Thoughts
Here’s what’s on my mind this week, Father…
God’s Answers to Prayer This Week
Talk with your small group or trusted friends about what you’re hoping to gain
(or have gained) from reading For Young Women Only. Look back through
your journal entries from this past week, and write below anything you’d like
to talk about.
Here are a few ideas for launching into your discussion:
- What were your thoughts about the questions on pages [Rethink ?
- Do guys think about us as much as we think about them? What have
you seen that supports your answer?
- Where do you usually get information about guys....parents, magazines,
movies, other girls? What are the benefits and drawbacks of
- How can we make our discussion group a safe place for sharing our
insights and struggles with one another?
You can jot down notes about the outcome of this challenge on page [XX]
and, if you feel comfortable doing so, share your answers with your trusted
friends or small group the next time you meet.
- Look back over the chart with the six major findings. Which were
you already aware of, and how are you applying them in your life?
- Which of these findings about how guys really work is the most likely
to require changes in your life?